The Brilliant Oxymoron

4:23pm: The Boy With No name.
He woke up looking into the darkness of the sky. The air outside was cool and calm. It had rained all day yesterday, he had little luck with the people on the street. The rain may add to the sympathy factor but it also lowers the number of people passing by. He shifted a bit to adjust how he was lying. He could feel the dampness of the ground on his back. He wished he could have found a better spot to sleep. The street enforcers had cleared out his last "home" and there where very little spots that were dry out here. He rolled over and willed away the shiver that creeped into his spine. A small cough escaped his lips, as he closed his eyes his thoughts wandered as the drifted off to sleep, the chill creeping up his body. He didn't know his own name, and he wondered if anyone ever will.

8:49pm: What a day.
This is going to be all emo sounding, so fair warning, you can stop reading now and spare you my misery.


The day started off fairly normal, wake up, take a shower, eat, head to work. I knew what I had to get done that day and I knew how and what order I was going to work on it. I get to work and start up. In comes my "boss" I call him that because he was the one that made the choice to hire me. Now he has been on vacation for most of the the month I've been working. He's not seen me working and he can't vouch for my work. I am in the middle of fixing the 4th computer that has come in to my office in the past 2 days. I've just finished ripping the power unit of of a dead computer and putting it in the other computer. Which is now working fine. He says to me that we are not going to be needing me anymore. There are 2 more computers that are broken, there is several hundred feet of cable that needs to be run in the DC, there are several severs that need to be moved on to the UPS that I just mapped out which power strips the UPS was running on, and they don't need me anymore? Fine, I accept it and just stop working right then and there. I mean yeah I was upset that I see all this work that needs to be done and they didn't need me to do it so I wasn't going to do it anymore.
The other members in the IT department hear of this and immediately jump to my support that there is still more work that needs to be done and that letting me go is a bad idea. Then I later here there is false accusations in my direction that I was "playing solitaire" in my office. I have played solitaire since Window 3.1, because there are better games out there. Why on earth would I waste my time playing that shit. Well I am sticking around for another few weeks, while there is still more work to be done. So now I'm upset at that.
I also fucking things up with friend I made when I was up here. I acted immaturely and said some things I shouldn't have. I will admit that I was having a hard time understanding their personality and what they where like. In the aftermath of my fiasco at work I just decided to end that friendship. Now that I did that, I feel sad, because I really enjoyed talking to them. Now that I've said the things I had I probably won't be hearing from them again.
It is a tough spot for me right now, I'm at a job that I want to keep but I have to prove that I am working, because some jerk put the idea in my bosses head that I wasn't working.
and I've cut of the only non-work related social interaction I had up here. I feel alone and discredited, and I don't know how to fix it. If I go back on my words, I'll either look weak, or like and evil manipulative jerk, probably both. This rationalization isn't helping my feelings though. This blog isn't either. Shit and I didn't bring The Empire Strikes Back, to watch, now that I am upset and need cheering up. If you read all this you should do something to cheer me up because obviously you care enough to read all this drama, and I'm obviously crying out for validation that I'm not a total fuck up. Thanks.

10:33pm: That thing I use to do.
Work on Slight of Hand Technic
Learn to pick locks (Until my mother took the set of lock picks away)
Read Detective stories
Dream of being a great scientist
Believe the things I saw in films
Find just being outside and looking at the ground amusing
Take apart things to see how they where put together
Write stories
Write poetry
Get lost in my own daydreams
Write jokes
Go to sleep wondering what the next day will bring
Get excited about trivial things


I realize that some of these things I can still do. Most of them however I've had a lack of interest in. I need to take a trip somewhere.

12:11pm: Next up for the films.
It is time for another film summery and opinion. This is the second film I watched over a past few days. It seemed rather low budget and the quality of the film seemed pretty bad for a film that came out in 04. It is about a game tester and him getting trapped in a virtual reality game. Which is similar to a few other films. Lawnmower man, Brain Scan to name two.

Gamebox 1.0

The film starts out with a scene of a young boy having a nightmare of playing a game being chased by a masked figure. In the game he is trapped and attacked by the masked man with a sword. Where he is cut down. Outside in the real world he starts convulsing and his parents try to wake him unsuccessfully and he dies.
The next thing you see is a mail truck making it's way through a town, the strange thing, is that it looks as if the hand steering the truck is actually tied to the wheel by a rope. It stops outside a small apartment complex. You see the main character, Charlie, in his apartment playing a driving game. He looks at the clock and heads out to work. He is rather glum looking. He gets to work as a game tester. There is some chatter about finding bugs on a few levels of their latest game. He talks with one of his fellow testers for a bit. He then heads out to lunch. He greeted by the proprietor of the cafe, being a regular to the there. He takes his regular set and gets the same thing he has everyday. It cuts over his last half of work and shows him getting back home. He checks his mail box to find a package inside. He opens it up to see a small device and a head set. He puts on the head set and is greeted by a voice. It tells him that he has been selected to play a new game system called Gamebox 1.0, and it tells him to get the game started he will have to take the camera also included in the game and take pictures of people he knows to populate his gaming world. He seems unsure about playing the game, when his phone rings and it is his fellow tester friend, he tells him that he got the game in the mail too and it was awesome and he should play. So he heads out and take the camera over to his friends house. All 4 of his friends are sitting around playing a game. He tells them about taking their pictures, and they talk about how he never hangs out anymore. Then they invite him to a BBQ, he says he'll try and make it. He leaves and one of the friend's new girlfriend asks why he seems so down and antisocial. They explain that Charlie's girlfriend was shot and killed just a few weeks ago. Then there is a flash back of Charlie with his girlfriend, he looks happy and not like such a mess, they are seated in the cafe at his regular table. Kim was her name, they gloss over their relationship and shows how she died. That both of them where sneaking through a chained fence, she squeezed through first and surprised a cop that was standing in the corner of the ally way, presumably sleeping or something else. He freaked out drew his gun and shot her right in the heart. It comes out of the flash back to see Charlie looking at the front page of a newspaper that has a picture of the policeman, the headline reading that he was acquitted for his actions. The game tells him to take a picture of someone he really hates to play the villain of his world, he snaps a shot of the cop from the paper. He starts the game, it gives him the rules. Once he starts the game he can't stop, he has no health bar but he can recover from injury from the heart icons in the game. He can start in 1 of 3 worlds to begin. Crime world(GTA clone), Zombie Apocalypse, or Alien Planet. He starts in crime world. The game lets him know that if he has any quests to just address the "game" directly. The crime world is voiced over my Charlie's own voice much like an old detective film. He meets the crime boss, who is the villain of the game, by the name of Ao Shun. Ao Shun tells him to go pick up a package, Charlie heads over to pick it up he takes out 2 of the 3 guys guarding the car where the package is being kept. He opens the trunk to find a girl in there that looks just like Kim. She has a briefcase handcuffed to her wrist. He is so distracted by her that he gets shot in the shoulder by the last guard. He is on the ground in pain. He asks the game why he is in such pain, it just tells him he was shot. He asks to stop playing. The game takes him out of the game. He looks around his room to see that he is late for work. He heads to work looking tired, when he gets there he talks to his friend and asks how he is doing with the game. His friend is confused and says he never called him and he doesn't know what Charlie is talking about. He doses off at work and dreams about playing the game still, he is woken up by his friend. When he gets back from work he calls his buddies and tells them that he's not coming to the BBQ, that he has to finish playing the game. He starts the game back up but before he begins to play he asks the game how his it knew what his Girlfriend got in the game, and if it was the game that "Called" him and told him to play. The game explains that he knows what he needed to hear to play, and that it knows everything Charlie knows. He starts up the game and takes out the last guard. Then he heals himself with a heart he saved from earlier. The then takes Kim out of the trunk, and takes her to the VR version of the cafe he always goes to. She says to stop calling her Kim, her name is Princess. While talking in the cafe they are attacked, and Charlie get's killed. He stats back a little bit before the attack, and loses a life. He tries to take more decisive action before the attack and ends up dying again, because the last time he died he lost all his weapons. He asks to stop playing again, the game says it can't do that. He begs and the game says it will only do it once more. He wakes up and looks like hell. He heads to work, the whole time seeing flashing images of the game attacking him.
He gets to work and his boss says he looks really bad, Charlie ends up fainting in the break room trying to get coffee. His boss sends him home. As he is leaving he sees a cop giving him a parking ticket he tries to stop the cop but he is so out of it the cop thinks he is wasted. It turns out that the cop is the same one that killed his girlfriend. The policeman doesn't recognize him, but he takes him down an alley and shows him all the drugs he uses and sells, thinking that Charlie, is just another junkie. Charlie snaps back to reality and calls the cop out and that he is going to turn him in for killing his girlfriend. The cop realizes what he is talking about and punches him and tells him not to tell or he'll kill Charlie. Charlie falls to the ground and passes out. He wakes up in the game. This time he takes even quicker action and makes it out of the cafe, with Princess. When they run out they are suddenly in the woods and they get attacked by a zombies. The hide out in a house. Charlie picks up a small hatchet as a weapon. They hear a knock on the door and it is Peter, Charlie's buddy that invited him to the BBQ. He explains to Charlie that he is in the game because in the real world he is in a coma, and Peter went into his house looking for him, before he learned that he was in a coma. Then Peter found the game and ended up in here with Charlie. Charlie is suspicious and asks the game if it is the real Peter. The game says yes it is.
They escape he house as it is attacked by zombies, and head into a sewer system, Ao Shun shows up and kills several zombies and chases them down the sewer. They go up a manhole, and come out of it on and alien planet. Two soldiers attack them, and then all of them are attacked by a large group of aliens. Pinned down, Charlie picks up the rifle dropped by one of the soldiers and helps the other soldier shoot. Peter asks Charlie for the hatchet, He tosses it to Peter, who then attacks Princess, cutting off her hand knocking her out and taking the briefcase. Charlie helps Princess back to a small cave to shelter, while he goes to find a health icon for her. He finds one that Peter is after at the top of a cliff. Ao Shun shows up and Peter and Charlie race to the top to get the health icon. Peter beats him there, uses the icon and knocks Charlie off the cliff. He dies, leaving him with his current life and 1 extra. He starts over at the bottom of the cliff. He makes better time up there and gets there in time to shoot the evil Peter, and get the health icon, he takes is back to Princess and tries to use it on her. It won't work on the dead, the game tells him, so he tells the game to give Princess his last extra life. He brings Princess back to life.
They head out of the cave and are suddenly in Charlie's apartment. They are still in the game. Ao Shun chases them to the hospital where they see Charlie in the bead in a coma. Ao Shun chases them into the basement. Charlie sets up a trap and kills Ao Shun down there. The whole time Princess was talking about how they needed to get the briefcase to Blue Mountain, Charlie notices she has a tattoo of a blue mountain on her back. He tells her to open up the case and they see that it is the Gamebox 1.0 console with the button on it that says end. Charlie doesn't want to end the game because then he won't be with Princess anymore, she tells him that he needs to leave her behind and get out of this fantasy world and enjoy life. He pushes the button, and comes out of his coma. The cop had been waiting for him to wake up and threatened him not to tell anyone about what happened. Charlie is no longer depressed, and looks better all around. He gets back to work and at lunch he meets a new waitress that works there, who happens to be named Princess. He asks her out she says maybe tomorrow. He then heads over to another BBQ his buddies where having for him getting better. Peter asks him if he can play that Gamebox 1.0, that he was talking about. He says he can't he gave it to a friend already. Then you see the cop has the Gamebox 1.0 and starts it up.

This film was kind of a social commentary on gaming. How people get caught up in their own worlds and never realize that life is going on around them. I can admit to that, I've been like that for a while. Some of the things that bothered me about it film was at the beginning the fact that the hand of the mail man was tied to the steering wheel, make me wonder if it wasn't just some dead guy and there was a more sinister origin to the Gamebox 1.0. I mean it touched on that but it never really explained it. I hate those kind of plot devices that are used and never explained. This film looked like a low budget made for SciFi channel movie. It had substandard CG for films in 04. The acting wasn't great but it was cast by television actors mostly. Having never heard of this film and recognizing the plot as something similar to previous films I had watch my expectations where low enough going into this film as to not be disappointed when I started watching it. The one thing I really did like about the film was the fact that they renamed Kim, to Princess in the game. That gave me much amusement that while he was playing the game he would always call her Princess, giving me a little bit of immersion into the "we're in a video game" fantasy. I wouldn't call this film an awful film, just obviously cheaply made. This film would makes sense to me of I could find out if it was a strait to DVD release. It is the kind of film you catch on TV late at night and find it amusing enough to watch and laugh at.
Suicide Ranger

3:00pm: Lots to Write but not to overload.
I has been a few days, and as promised I have several films to write about. I don't want to write too much at once because there are few people now a days that will be able to read all that I have to write. People have little patients for reading "walls of text" as it is said today. As if reading a large amount was a tremendous obstetrical to be traversed. So I will do these films one at a time over the next few days. I will start with the first one I watched and end with the last one. Since I've only watched them once and I am recalling them from memory of their summery. The first one however isn't to difficult to follow.

Alien vs Ninja

This film was as bad as it sounds. Complete with the fact that it was made in Japan and was filmed in Japanese but dubbed to English. Which is a draw back to Netflix. If I wanted to watch this film in Japanese and just read the subtitles then I would. I am not given that option. Some people prefer the English Dubbing, but I would rather just listen to the native language and take away the true inflections behind the acting, reading subs has little to do with what I am watching. I have difficulty reading them anyway due to my dyslexia. But I enjoy subtitled films because I can hear the words as they where coved by the actual actors. Off that tangent.
Now the film summed up. Look out for all the spoilers, because I am sure everyone is going to jump up and watch this film once I talk about it.

The film starts out when you see 3 Ninja leave a large palace. Shortly after it explodes, and they take off into the forest. Two of them are moving quite fluidly and seem to be well aware of their surroundings, one is moving quickly but is often tripping or running into trees. Clearly the comic relief of the film. They are soon pursued by a large group of other Ninja.
One of the ninja tells the other two to go on ahead and he will take care of the ones after them. The clumsy ninja agrees but hands him a weapon he "invented" to use against the group. The fight starts, in typical once "bad ass" against a group of lesser skilled opponents. Clearly this is our hero. He dispatches the 15 or so ninja with ease, waiting until the last one standing to try and use the newly invented weapon on him, it looks like a large toy top with metal spikes around it, he whips the top out off of it's string toward the last ninja, and the top spins toward him with it's deadly spikes. It stops just before reaching it's intended victim and backfires on our hero. He deftly doges it as it comes back. Then casually kills the last attacker while he looks at the malfunctioning invention. He then spots a fireball in the sky falling to the earth. He looks at it in awe for a while until it crashes over the horizon.
Meanwhile a few miles away another group of ninja from the same clan watch it as well. There is a Kunoichi(female ninja) with this group. They discuss what they saw and then head back to the clan house.
The first three ninja are already there, and they are called in my the clan master to talk about their last mission, and why they had failed at it and instead just blew to house up. The hero ninja explains his actions and how he feels that open fighting was braver than being a shadowy figure. The clumsy ninja backs him up by saying that the hero took out all the ninja chasing them single handedly. Which gets him in to more trouble for being a cowered for leaving the younger ninja behind to fight alone. The master then sends them out to investigate the fireball that was seen in the sky. He tells them to meet up with the other group of ninja that should be coming back and get them to help you with the investigation.
They meet up with the other group and head toward where they thought the fireball had landed. On their way there the found some strange claw marks on a tree. They didn't look like they came from any known animal. While looking around for clues they came upon a young boy who was coved in blood and soot. They asked him what happened to him, he didn't say a word but, then see his flash back of a burning village and many people running around screaming and getting cut down by some unknown beast. Blood and fire where everywhere. Just then they where attacked a dark form popped out of nowhere and swept one of the ninja away. They all draw their blades and started looking around for the attack. One by one the "Red Shirt" ninja, that is the ones in hoods and had not been given names, where swept away or sucked under ground one by one.

The Hero ninja is nearly attacked but quickly cuts off the appendage trying to grab him. The 5 remaining ninja and the boy ran as fast as they could to a cave for cover. Cut then to the shot of several dead or dying ninja, and the alien from leaning over a one. It drops a small pink parasite on the ninja's face and it crawls into his nose. He screams and it cuts back to the 6 hiding in a cave. He Hero decides he isn't going to wait around he will go out and find it and kill it. He heads out and finds the Alien and kills it. Only to learn that there are more than one of the Aliens, because he has to run back to the cave to save the other five people there. The clumsy ninja hides and doesn't fight the alien. The ninja and the kunoichi fight the alien, the ninja is knocked out, leaving the girl to fight it alone. She loses her blade and resorts to just using her fists to fight. After what seems like she knocked the alien out, she goes to help the other ninja out. The alien comes too and snatches the other ninja way from the kunoichi.
The hero shows up after these fights to find the woman and the boy, and the clumsy ninja comes out of hiding when he sees the hero arrive. They see that the clumsy ninja hid instead of helping the other two fight. They were mad a him, and probably would have killed him, just then the boy stared to talk, saying that he was to scared to talk before but after seeing the ninja fight the alien he had confidence. would lead them to his village. They sent the clumsy ninja back to the clan house to warn them of the alien should It attack there. They split up.
They head out to the village, the scene changes to that of the captured ninja, he is getting a pink parasite put into him. The 3 of them show up at the village where it is surrounded by ninja zombies. They try and fight them but no matter how much they cut down they won't die. They finally make the discovery that they ninja are being controlled by the parasite. Which was living in the bases of their throats. They ripped out all the babies and killed them.
Back at the clan house the clumsy ninja arrives and sees that the last remaining alien has already reached it and destroyed the rest of the ninja clan. It spots him out in the courtyard and then starts to chase him. He is instantly at the boys village, where the kunoichi is looking after the other injured ninja and the boy. The clumsy ninja is knocked down and killed by the alien. The alien sees it's dead babies and becomes enraged.

It and the hero have an epic battle, at once point the alien picks up a katana from the ground and sword fights with the hero, then the hero uses the "fixed new weapon" from the beginning of the film. It blows up as soon as it gets to the alien. The alien beaten and bloody, Sprouts wings and flies off, but the hero jumps on it's back and they fight in the air, the hero destroys the alien in the air and lands safely. He comes back to the rest of the party and they walk off into the sunset. The boy is lagging a bit behind, they tell him to catch up, he says he will. He then he looks in on a baby alien in a pack that he had been carrying with him the whole time.


Well, this film was the kind if would suggest watching when you are all drunk already, or want to come up with a creative drinking game for it. It is also quite funny in it's comical ultra violence, and bloody killings. The supposed comic relief of the clumsy ninja, was about as comic relief as Jar Jar Binks is. Unlike Jar Jar however, this guy get head literally ripped off by the alien and then stuck to a tree. where a split second later, a stuffed crow, is being held just off camera and made to peck his eyes out. I'd never had a more satisfying end to a poorly comical character before. All the action scenes with the alien look like a bloody version of a power ranger's episode, because it is just a guy in a poorly constructed suite. And of course when the girl and the alien fight, the first thing it does is try and grab her breasts. I mean it even puts it's hands out in a cupping gesture and makes a squeezing motion. Later the alien picks her up in a bear hug like motion, and like any one of you ladies out there would think to do. She decides that the best way to break this hold, or maybe attack the alien is by wrapping her legs around it and slamming her pelvis into it. Yeah there is even a slow motions shot of this pelvic thrust attack, at the angel as if the audience is 2 feet tall and looking up at her back side. The epic battle at the end just get out of hand when the alien is flying through the air at such a speed as to catch the air around them on fire. It was like a cross between Dragon Ball Z and Power Rangers. They are high in to the stratosphere at this point, when the hero kills the alien, it explodes and he goes flying toward the earth. He dose a flip and lands on the ground knocking up geysers of dirt but leaving not impact crater of even getting injured. I think at that point I was like, hey wait... I think this film might be a joke? And then at the end when the kid shows he's had a baby alien the whole time. I wanted the classic fast push in and the music DU DU DUUUUUUUUU to play, but it didn't. Thanks everyone.
Suicide Ranger.

2:12pm: Who's playing George Washington?
I've just read about the how Warner Brother's studio is looking to cast all Caucasian actors to play in the live action remake of the Classic Japanese anime film Akira. This has obviously got most of the Asian American community up in arms that they are white washing this film. I can't say I blame them. A couple of white guys named Kaneda, and Tetsuo, for real? Hollywood in general is just remaking all kinds of films that are just going to turn out horrible. I saw the teaser to the new Conan the Barbarian and it didn't get me excited to watch it, if anything it just pissed me off that they are going to be messing up a film that was already good the way it was.
Back to the casting of Akira, it is something that makes me think that the whole, claim back when Obama was elected that "it was the end of racism in America" claim, is just a load of bullshit. If I had the power and influence to make a film as a direct social comment to Akira being cast with a bunch of white boys. I would get collaboration with a historian and write myself a script for a film about the American Revolution. I would find the funding from someone other than any of the major film studios because I know they would go ape shit once they see that I am casting all African, Asian, and Native American actors to play our founding fathers. Just think about it.


Samuel L. Jackson as George Washington
Danny Glover as Ben Franklin
Graham Greene as Patrick Henry
Lou Diamond Phillips as Samuel Adams
George Takei as John Handcock
Adam Beach as Paul Revere .



That is just to name a few casting ideas I had. I bet this film would be a hit. I am sure all of these actors would leap at the chance to play something like this too. I am not sure if it would be taking it too far to find a young black actor to play Thomas Jefferson, and give him a bunch of white slaves to sleep with, but hey that might be fun.
Coming up I'll be doing a few new films soon, I watched a few of them and they where a little lame, but I will talk about them after I watch this next film, The Cry of the Owl. I will then review that film, and later do Gamebox 1.0 and Alien vs Ninja, yes I watched both of those.
Suicide Ranger

3:09pm: The Haunting of Molly Heartly
I know this title sounds like another one of those worn out, boring and predictable exorcism movies. I started watching it expecting just that, as I was flipping channels around 2am. I did miss around the first 20 minutes of the film, but thankfully they where not essential to the film, and I was able to catch up to what was happening pretty easily. The film was fairly simple so the summery should be nice and easy.
I am going to guess that the part of the film that I missed was the exposition of Molly and her father to this new part of town. I started watching at a point with Molly sitting in class of a privet school. She is sitting in class and starts to hear some one whisper her name, and the place gets all dizzy feeling with camera tilts. She gets a nose bleed and is excused by her teacher. In the restroom she stops her nose bleed but then starts to hear some one whisper her name again. She starts to look around for where the voice is coming from. She starts to hallucinate and hyper ventilate. One of the girls in her class shows up to give her a spare top that doesn't have blood on it. Where she finds Molly there freaking out. Cut to her sitting in the guidance counselor's office. The counselor talks to her about her mom. This is where I learned that her mom had attacked her in the bathroom and stabbed her in the chest. The counselor tells Molly that her mom was diagnosed with acute paranoia and schizophrenia. And that there are genetic factors to these. She tells Molly not to worry that they will be watching her closely and won't let anything happen to her. Afterwards Molly heads to the library to look up books on mental illness. Where the cute popular boy shows up and startles her. Then he walks her out of the library and offers her a ride home. Her dad shows up upset about what happened to her. Her dad takes her home where you find out that her 18th birthday is coming up soon and he asks her what kind of party she wants to have. She plays it off like it isn't a big deal. That evening when she is getting ready to go to bed she starts to get the same feeling of being dizzy and hearing voices call her name. She looks in the there mirror is scared seeing the face of her mother. She collapses on the floor and screams out for her dad.
She wakes up in a hospital bed. The doctor informs here that they found Angioma in her sinus cavity, which was causing her headaches, vertigo, and hallucinations. They removed the tumor and find out it is not cancerous. She wakes up after the surgery and is freaked out to she her mother changing her I.V. then try to stab her, she wakes up from that nightmare. She's relived she is not going crazy. While she is in the hospital the over religious girl shows up to visit her and talks about saving her soul. She gets back to school she gets invited to a party by the popular cute boy. Then the popular cute boy's blonde ex-girlfriend tells her not to go, just as things are about to get a little ugly, the bad girl shows up and tells the cute boy's ex-girlfriend to get lost. She tells Molly that she should go to the party, and Molly should take the bad girl with her. So they head to the party, turns out cute popular boy is super rich. While they are on his estate the cute boy's ex-girlfriend confronts her and tells her that she told her not to come. She attacks Molly and Molly breaks or sprains her wrist and throws her to the ground. She leaves the party upset and tries to walk home alone, but she doesn't know where she is, she gets lost. She calls from a pay phone since her cell phone died, and tells here dad where she is. After she hangs up the phone her mother shows up and attacks her again. She knocks her mother down and runs across the street. Her mother yells after her, then disappears. She falls on the ground and starts another panic attack, some bystanders come to her aid. Her dad takes her home and tells her that she was just imagining things and that her mother was still in the mental institution.
She heads to school the next day and apologizes to the cute boy's ex-girlfriend, who just scoffs and walks away. She visits the counselor and explains what happened at the party. The counselor give Molly her card and tells her to call her whenever she needs. After school the bad girl comes up and says he is sorry for not taking her home after the party. The cute boy shows up and tells her the wants to help her with anything he can. The over religious girl stops her as she is walking home and tries to get her to come into the Christian Youth Center. She walks away from her and heads home. She gets home and finds her mom upstairs, she has a knife and starts to tell Molly what is happening. That when she was premature and still born in a bathroom. While the paramedics where trying the revive Molly a woman came up and offered them a deal that she would save the baby's life but after 18 years she will belong to her. Scared and upset the parents agreed. Now her mother was here to keep the lady from coming to take her by killing Molly. Molly and her fight over the knife. The fight ends with her mother falling over the railing of the stairs and landing on the knife. Her dad comes home and sees this and Molly yells at him and tells him that her mother told her everything. The dad is denies it and tells her that he will find a doctor to help Molly. She hits him with a vase knocking him out and runs out of the house. Strait to the overly religious girl, where she asks if she could be saved. The girl agrees and they head to a church. The overly religious girl baptizes her. Then she tires to drown Molly, be cause her mother was the nurse that let Molly's mom out of the nut house. So she knows what Molly will become. Molly fights her off and knocks her out in the baptismal pool. She runs back to the school, where she runs into cute popular boy. He offers to help her, he takes her back to his house, where he says that he can get some money from his parent's safe and they can run away from the city or state or as far as they can. He leaves her waiting on the car. She calls the counselor and leaves a message on her voice mail that she is not sure what she should do. She hears the popular cute boy call her name, and she goes into the guest house to find him there with a cake and a knife. He tells her happy birthday in the next couple of minutes, she'll be 18. She kind of freaks out about that, and tries to leave but the counselor shows ups and stops her from leaving. It clicks that they are in it together. The house is suddenly surrounded by shadowy figures and the door bursts open and this random burly black man has her father in a hold, and puts him on his knees. The father sees the counselor and realizes that her and the witch that offered them the deal are the same person. Molly argues that she doesn't want this life, and she didn't choose it. The witch tells her that her parents already choose it for her. She starts to argue about that and the witch offers her a deal. She says that if Molly kills her father then maybe the contract could be broken, she hands her the knife. The father begs Molly to kill him and save herself. In the back ground you can here the clock chiming midnight. She sits there in internal debate with the knife, and then stabs herself. She pauses and looks down at the knife and pulls it out and stabs herself again, then a third time, there is not blood coming from her wounds.
Cut to a hospital of a doctor going over a list of mental illnesses and suicide attempts displayed by a patient, as the camera pans over the back of a dark haired girl. It pans past her and over to a room where a the doctor is talking to Molly. They are looking through a window at her father. She says there is nothing she can do for her father now, and she is sure the state will be able to take good care of him. It cuts to her graduation day as her as Valedictorian, she talks about how her generation is the generation that is going to make changes that the world won't forget.
There where a few things that made me want to write about this. For one the title is misleading as to what type of film you are about to watch. I mean I completely expected just another of those lame Exorcist knock off films. It wasn't and I like films that set me up with something you think is going to happen then are not at all that happen. The other thing I like about is how they managed to stereotypically give Molly a bunch of high school kids to interact with. They all did have names in the film, but the names where completely unnecessary. The great thing about that is that anyone who lived through high school can easily relate those characters to the people they knew in high school. It done so simply that I wasn't sure if the film was really going to take it's self serious. I was waiting for jokes and puns to show up. There was a bit of commentary on the age of information that I liked. When Molly when to the library to look up mental illness symptoms, she didn't use the internet she used the books, and the cute popular boy asked her why wasn't she just using the internet. She said that there were ways to track what people are looking up. She says she isn't a paranoid conspiracy freak, she just thinks that it isn't anyone's business for people to know what she is interested in. I like that, it is nice to see that there are people out there that know it is not necessary to post on forums, Facebook, Twitter, every bit of mundane shit that is going on in their lives.
I know that might seem kind of hypocritical be posting these film commentaries but at least you are able to take something away from reading this. I mean what to do you take away from "I had an amazing lunch, time to head to the gym then shower before I hit that rocking party tonight(You're fat and don't have a social life Implied)." or "My husband is so amazing, he so thoughtful and loving to me.(Not like your jackass boyfriend that only calls you when he wants a quick bang after taking you to see a shitty action film Implied)."
I think I enjoyed the part at the end that in attempt to escape her fate she decides to try and kill herself. Which is totally not what the witch told her. She said if she wants to escape her fate she needs to kill her father. I found it ironic that unlike all the other films that let the character escape that fate by killing themselves it is not the case. I mean if you think about it, that is quite an easy loop hole that you think they would cover up. If you kill yourself then you are all good at not becoming this horrible thing. Ha well sorry that's not the case here. I think I enjoyed that part the best of the whole film. Not to mention that Molly was quite upset saying "I don't want this power I didn't ask for it." To which the witch replied, "You don't want it right now is all." True enough, I mean do you anyone would be upset at becoming the Antichrist? Or some powerful being, evil or good, would it really matter. I am sure people would get over their morals once they realized they couldn't die and could make people do what they wanted. Don't try and give me that shit that people are moral and good. There is a basic human drive to gain more power and advantage over our fellow man, and everyone would drop those morals as soon as they realized they where holden to no one for their actions. Just think about that.
Suicide Ranger

1:56pm: Missed it
I am sorry for missing yesterday, I didn't actually watch any films yesterday, just shows and You Tube videos. Though I did find the next film I want to watch and talking about "May" I set it to record on my DVR, but it isn't showing until around 2am on Saturday. So until there I will have to find something else. Not to mention I know I wont have time to watch it on Saturday and write about it. I work and I have a party I am going to. Damn that actual life getting in the way of my internet.
As informed about the world of gaming and technology and international news, I seem to have completely missed something pretty big right at home. I didn't have a clue about this whole Government shut down... I'm not kidding I didn't know about this until about 2 days ago. And I still have yet to read or look into the details of why this is happening. I talked to my mom about it, she give me like a brief summery of what was happening. I'll probably be content with that because I really have little to no interest in my own country's crap. I'm waiting for us to be a territory of China.
There will be a second update today with a film, I'm just not sure what it will be I'll have to flip through Netflix and On Demand. For now the only thing I can say that I will be writing about for sure when I watch it is "May." Until then I'll just be messing around on the internets.
Suicide Ranger

5:38pm: Spliced
I watched this film yesterday. It was kind of a hassle since every time I found it on normal TV I found it in the middle of near then end of the film. I then set it to record on the next showing in the morning but what happened? The power went out thanks to a storm so it only recored half. When I checked for in on Netflix it was not in instant watch. So I finally found it in the On Demand section of my cable service. Which was the perfect solution or so I thought, I found that nearly 45 minutes into the film it has a glitch and will not play past that point. I ended up using the same tactic that you would for a scratched DVD or CD, which was just to fast forward past it and hope that the seconds you missed are not very important. Which they where not thankfully. After that adventure with trying to get to watch the film I finally have a summery and opinion on the film. Here it goes.
The film starts in medias res, during the birth of an organism the two married geneticists have already created. Adrien Brody and Sarah Polly, play the couple. They have taken bits of DNA from several animals and put them together to create a male and female pair of new creatures. The reason for this was so that they could create a compound that can treat illnesses in livestock. Since this experiment was successful in creating two new creates they over couple want to incorporate human DNA in the next attempt. The company funding their project tells them that they need to work on the new organisms they have created cultivating the things they created for the purposes they where created for. Being headstrong and determined they went ahead and created a new creature with human DNA. They are soon overwhelmed by the new humanoid creature that they created, but since it's life cycle is very short it will die soon they left it alive.
Meanwhile they run into trouble with the first set of organisms they created because they female they created seems to have changed from female to male, during the presentation to the press, both male creatures attacked and killed each other. The company was very upset that they didn't monitor the experiment more closely. They were going to shut down all their research, and clearing them out of the building, This means that they had to move their humanoid creature to a different location. Out to a remote farm. Where Brody's character leans that the DNA used to create the creature now named Dren, was the DNA of his wife. Dren is becoming increasingly hard to control as she matures. Dren then seduces Brody's character at which point Polly shows up and sees them together. Needless to say this is a socking turn of events for the both of them. After this Dren tries to kill Polly's character, who after that, cuts off her poison tipped tail. Using the tail they create the compound that the company so desired and in turn alerts the other scientist working with them that they created a new creature with human DNA. Back at the barn however Dren has died and they bury her. Then when the head of their science division shows up to see this new creature they created the learn that Dren did not die but changed genders to male like their previous characters did. After attacking and killing the lead scientist, Brody's brother, leaving Brody uncontentious on the ground, Dren then rapes Polly's character, during which Brody attacks it and is then killed by Dren in the moment of distraction is in turn killed by Polly. In the final scene of the film, the head of the company is congratulating Polly on finding the compound in Dren, and happy to see that there where many other compounds found in Dren there where going to make the company lots of money. They where happy to see that she was going to be moving on to the next step. She signs an NDA and they show her pregnant belly.

I found this film more far fetched then it was supposed to be. I mean the idea of splicing DNA and creating new life is far out there, not to mention using human DNA. But they pair of scientists where far more reckless then I would expect anyone one who goes into this film to be. It was like they had no respect for the work they where doing and just simply to prove that they could do it. I don't care who you are no matter what that is bad science. To create a new life form and then not spend the rest of hit's life studying it to see what you have actually have created, and simply toss it aside for the next thing is very childish. Had they studied their first creations and learned what the could from them, they would have been well prepared for what was going to happen with their next project. Simply going, great we did it lets do something bigger, I can't fathom any actual scientists that would be that stupid. I mean I know the ones working with radio active isotopes have done some crazy reckless things but they only endangered themselves. I can only hope that the geneticists we have working now would outright laugh at this film as completely ludicrous. The pair of idiotic scientists would have known that they creature will be unstable and violent, they would have learned that they creature was going to change gender. Not to mention that that then end of the film, when the creature impregnates the woman, seeing as it is her own DNA the creature was created from with no other contributing genetic factors, their would be more then enough naturally occurring genetic mutations in some one's own DNA that if it where possible for any creature to self impregnate, they resulting embryo would not be viable because of the mutations. Some science fiction films I can get behind because they are far enough from current science that the belief they could be discovered is fun. When they are as close to current science and our own already acquired knowledge of how things work it is just silly and wholly unbelievable for me. If you are clueless to a basic knowledge of genetics and such I am sure you might find this film interesting. Though I would have to say the interspecies sexual content was a bit like watching bestiality to me, I mean if I suspended my own belief that this was just a woman with CG altering her appearance it wasn't so bad. This however was suppose to be a new creature, might as well be watching a Chimp or Dolphin seduce a human and have sex with it.
Suicide Ranger

2:16am: Here we go.
I did watch Splice, but I will write about that one later. I will write about a film I watched a few weeks ago but, it is currently playing in front of me right now. It is called "My First Mister." It was staring Albert Brooks and Leelee Sobieski. The first thing I will be doing is just giving a summery of the film. Just a warning that I will be spoiling it for anyone who hasn't seen it so don't get mad because I am warning you now.
The film is about a girl just out of High school. The typical goth girl that is very antisocial. She gets fired from her job at "gothzooks" and heads to the mall to find a new job. She finds this very clean cut manager of a fine clothing store. Both of them are lonely people, her for just being a confused teenager, and him being a divorced older man. They become friends, and they learn from each other. She comes to find out that he is actually dying of cancer. Through looking around his house he finds out the address of his ex-wife. She heads out to find her and bring her back, before he dies. When she gets there she finds out that she died in a car accident. Just to balance the universe, she finds out that he has a son that his ex-wife never told him about. She brings his son back to him. His son and him connect, she brings all her family over to have dinner with him before he dies.
She finds a connection with her mother and father. A sad but somewhat happy ending he touched her life before he died, and she will always have him with her.
The film is a pealing to me because, most of the film is done in her inner monologue. She plays out these wild and elaborate fantasies in here head like day dreams. The thing about that is that is pretty much how I go through my life. I am pretty sure that most people have an inner monologue. I am not sure about the little daydreams thought. I was often told that I was odd, for the way I stare off into the distance at times. I got use to hearing the phrase "earth to Ian" from my mother and siblings. The other thing that probably wouldn't have appealed to me had I seen it sooner. That losing someone you care about and how much pain it causes you. Plus there is just something about cheering up those gloomy goth girls that appeals to me. I assume that is some kind of weird thing I have, when I see someone who is upset I want to do what I can to cheer them up, I hate it when there is nothing can do for them. When I am upset it seems like no one is there for me, yet I will put aside that feeling to cheer someone else up, Then go right back to feeling miserable. I have no idea why I do that. The over all film is worth watching. Though the ending is sad, I guess I could consider this some kind of a chick flique, and admitting this to people that I enjoyed watching this will probably put my man card in question. I can deal with that I guess, I do enough asshole man things to validate those moments of questionable film taste.
Suicide Ranger

4:18pm: Daily Subject
I know I've been saying I'm going to try and keep this thing updated daily. I just find it difficult to keep something to write about on a daily basis. It seems that If I do that I quickly run out of things that I want to talk about. I spend the rest of the time talking about nothing. Just idle crap of the uninteresting variety. I don't know unless you find that kind of crap amusing to read then I'll keep it up. I am just trying to find something worth talking about something that could stimulate a reply to my post because I do so enjoy reading replies, comments and criticisms. What I really need is something to talk about.
I've had several people comment about my ability to watch a film and recall all kinds of details from a single viewing. With this ability I think it would be a good idea to just talk about a film that I watched. So what I've decided to do, is find a film on my on demand, one that I've haven't seen before. And then write about it. Like some kind of uber late review, it will be any film, no matter how cheese and bad it looks I will watch it and give you an opinion on it. I will talk about the film in detail and then give you my opinion on it. If you like what I said about it, then comment, if you didn't like what I said then really comment. I mean getting a different perspective on something that is different from my own is great. I mean my Sucker Punch review got good responses so I think I will keep that up. I just need a regular following on this. I can't get that unless I find something regular to write about. I mean this is all but a online journal of my crappy life otherwise. I know some people would be happy to read that just to say, well at least my life isn't as bad is that guys.
Just being lost in the sea of other crappy journals is quite easy and coming up with something worth reading that is the same idea as everyone else out there is tough. I am sure there are tons of other people out there with some kind of degree and training in writing film reviews that can probably from complex and clean opinions on things. Guess what you're not going to get that with me you're just going to get the same kind of crap I yell at the screen when the film is loud enough. There where a few films I watched yesterday and started today that I may talk about. "Whip it", the end of a film called "May" which I would like to watch the whole thing, and Splice. There will be up coming comments. For now I have to put the television that I moved out of the living room into my room to watch the Houston Dynamo game, back before the 10 year old drives me crazy.
Suicide Ranger

9:45pm: That feeling
So back from my grandpa's funeral. Meeting all my cousins again, seeing the fact that they all have little kids running around. That whole little next generation cycle of life thing. That odd little vision of the cycle of death and taxes. The sad thing was that being away from my computer for the 3 days, even though I took my net book to make a post. I feel as if I missed out on a bunch of informations that I normally read. Having social face time with my family actually made me feel less connected with the world. I find that kind of sad that, trying to be social I feel as if I am missing out on all the latest happenings with the world and technology. It is kind of sad that I am so use to just reading and absorbing all I can from the internet that when I step away and just keep up with small bits of it I feel like I am going to miss something important? What the hell is so important anyway. So I missed a video of some one microwaving their 3DS, So I missed that Mass Effect 2 DLC was released. That Apple is going to put their next being technology convention to run at the same tame as E3. Is it really vital information for me to know? Oh there was a new Minecraft patch, you can make cookies and tame wolves as pets... None of this is vital to my survival. Though it is something that I felt I was missing out on. I should get out more I guess.
According to the rest of my family I must be funny. I don't recall being particularly comedic when I was visiting all of them this week but they all laughed a lot. It has been 5 years since my father died and I stopped preforming comedy on stage. I still don't know how I am going to get back into it. I mean I feel like it is like some thing I use to do, like a gymnast that didn't keep in shape for years then tried to do a handspring when drunk. A sudden realization that hey you're out of practice and you are not going to be that cool anymore. It is once again that lack of motivation thing. I just cant see a point into getting off my ass to put out the effort. Hell I can't even keep a blog up on a daily basis without a friend yelling at me to do it. I guess that is what I really need is some one to motivate my cynical nature to share it with the world, otherwise it is simply easer to just sit at home and drink and crack wise to myself about the things I see on the internet.
My ex-wife kind of supported my comedy, she would get on my to go preform, and she came out once or twice to watch me. My old best friend was supportive too, until he married that crazy lady that took over his life and made him cut all connections to his old friends. I never understood that.
I guess I am still trying to figure out when I switched from "What's next to do!" to "What's the point?" Maybe I am fooling myself and I was always thinking what's the point. I mean I remember when I was in elementary school during recess I wouldn't run around and play, I would walk around and look at the ground wondering why should I put out the effort I could be reading a book. Like the one time I was walking past a group of boys that where playing dodge ball, there was no real court area in the field of grass, so as I strolled past I was hit by a ball. They idiots were so preceptive to who was on their team that they started calling me out and told me I had to sit out. As I walked away from the group, I got yelled at by the gym teacher that I had to sit out if I wanted to keep playing. This struck me as amusing because I wasn't even playing to begin with. I think she took the smirk on my face as some kind of open defiance as I walked away. I got in trouble for disobeying a teacher and ended up with silent lunch the next day. Again another punishment that I did not see as a punishment at all. I could eat in a quite place and read my book in peace.
Not to mention I got to eat lunch with my 4th grade teacher Ms. Duncan, who I recall was hot... and yes I was hitting on my teachers since 3rd grade. I even remember their last names, and what the taught me. My 3rd grade math teacher Ms. Duggs, my 4th grade English teacher Ms. Duncan, and my 5th grade art teacher Ms. Chaze. I could keep listing them all the way up to my senior year in high school but this is a tangent.
Anyway back to what I was saying. I never seemed to regard the idea of "quiet time" as a punishment. Hell I enjoyed quiet time, a place when I could be alone with my thoughts and work at my own pace? I enjoyed time I had to spend in D.M.C. after being involved in a fight at school my 8th grade year. I didn't want to do it at first but after spending a day there, I was like, wow this is great.
I mean if I think about it, being in jail, is like the ultimate quite time. I could so live like that with a little lax in the security and the fact that I am in a place hundreds of other people don't want to be in and are there for doing bad things. I could dig it if it were not for that fact.
Maybe I should check myself into some kind of mental institution, I mean just stand in the conner and not talk to anyone. Hey I saw that film, I could so do that.
Suicide Ranger.

10:50pm: Things we miss.
Hello, my loyal fan, I'd put it in the plural but I only seem to get one person commenting on my ramblings. So, it has been a whole year since my baby sister left. A lot happens in a year, and a lot stays the same. She's still dead, I mean that's a pain. Tomorrow I'll be attending my grandpa's funeral. Yet another death in my close family. It is like some kind of crappy decade. Julee was more social than me, more popular than me, always trying to be the one to get the most positive attention from everyone. Robin and John, seemed to compete for the most negative attention. I am perfectly happy being ignored. I quote Douglas Adams "he's just this guy, you know?" That's all I've ever been, just this guy. It kind of bugged me for a little while, just being the person overlooked for everything. I came to realize that that was kind of what I wanted from everything. I get just enough attention to keep me happy and not so much as to make me feel crowded.
Being the quite person at the party is what really amuses me. I don't chat a lot, especially at a party where I know very few of the guests. I do however love to listen to everyone's chatter. I make it a point not to really eavesdrop on somewhat privet conversations, I'm not rude, but the loud chatter among friends just amuses me more than being "the life" of the party. It seems that all 5 of us kids make out an amazing team if we would all attend a party together. Julee would be the bright talent that would make everyone smile with her music and snapping pictures of the happenings. John and Robin would be laughing and socializing with everyone that came in no matter who it was. TR would be the calm little center that kept everything running smoothly and made sure everyone was having a great time. I would be the guy that quietly wanders through the party, and makes odd of off handed comments at the conversations taking place, getting a laugh or a cheer from the people listening. It is all to bad that never actually happened.
Moving on, I saw the film Sucker Punch the other day. I said on my facebook that it was worth seeing and that I wouldn't give out any spoilers for anyone that wants to see it. Here is a different matter. I will be talking about the film in as much detail as I can recall having only seen the film once and it was 2 days ago. So if you don't want to see any Sucker Punch spoilers, then I would suggest just stop reading now.

Since you are sill reading then I assume you are willing to hear about the film in detail. The film starts off almost like a fair tail classic beginning. Two young girls, there mother dies, and they are left with their greedy evil stepfather. Who is very angry to find that all of his dead wife's possessions are being left to her daughters. So he decides he wants to take some kind of perverted rape revenge on them, the older one gets away from him but he decides that attacking the younger girl all of maybe 12 is a better idea. In an attempt to save her little sisters she shoots and kills her. The stepfather cooks up a new scheme to just get her thrown in a mental institution. Where he pays an orderly to forge a signature to have the girl lobotomized.
This is where the story takes a turn,and jumps to a new angel. Suddenly she isn't in a mental institution she is one of many girls in a Burlesquer house. The story more or lest progress as 5 of these girls head of on a quest to retrieve items to escape from the man running the place. After getting most of the items there is a large mistake in the plan and most of the girls end up getting killed. It is suddenly down from 5 to just two girls. In the end the main character isn't triumphant, she helps the last girl to escape but is lobotomized in the end. I think this puts most of the general public off of this film because they wanted the hero to win. The truth is the hero isn't always going to win. Not in the way that Americans want the hero to win. They want everyone to get out safe and sound. It won't happen like that all the time and it is really time that people in this country realized that.
I liked that the film didn't have a traditional Hollywood ending. I liked the concept different music making different worlds in some one's imagination. The film was visually stunning, as well as thought provoking.
SuicideRanger

7:41pm: The Recovery
Well it goes without saying that I had a good time last night for St. Patty's day. I ended up just laying around sleeping and getting over my hangover. I forgot to get my hangover cure, of Gatorade and Bacon. Not biggie. I don't have much inspiration to write anything. I spent most of the laying in bed watching TV and Youtube videos of the people I follow. I mean I didn't even have very creative dreams to go off of. This will be a fairly disappointing update.
I think I'll be ready to go back to work tomorrow, I've not felt short of breath today. I got a message early this morning to see if I wanted to cover a shift at 5:30, of course I didn't look at my phone until around 3 today. I will just see how work goes tomorrow. I mean yesterday I only had a little bit of trouble getting down the pint and shot glasses out of my closet.
Maybe it is just me but there are time when I feel infinity insignificant compared to the grand scheme of the universe. I would say it is feeling suicidal, it is more of a, not matter what I do, whatever it is, is not important. I means sure I could become a famous person. Yeah I have sway over the thousands of people that are fans of my fame, but every one of them is of the same significance to the planet as the grains of sand blowing over the desert. The Planet, Solar System, Galaxy, and cosmic void doesn't care that you wrote a number 1 song that stayed at the top for almost a year. It is nothing. I mean if I wanted to put in comparison it would be like a Local news celebrity going to another town and expecting special treatment because of who they are back in their home town. No one cares there, they've never heard of you, your not better than anyone else.
It is like that equation, the population of the Universe is 0, because there is a finite number of atoms in the Universe, and Space is infinite, any finite number divided by infinity is going to be 0. I guess this knowledge has let me to believe that there is nothing worth doing on this planet it isn't entertaining to myself. I am sure that my sound outrageously selfish and I am sure it is at times, but I find entertaining people amusing, and achieving things is entertaining. If what I am doing isn't amusing me in some way or another I won't keep doing it. This outlook might be one of those factors that kills my ambition. I can't say I'm not learning a bit about myself by writing this out.
Suicide Ranger

2:35am: Yeah late, but not that late.
I was busy at 6:30 cooking and drinking, so you will have to forgive me that I didn't post until all the guests at my party left. I had a nice time, thought I did end up cooking a lot of food that people did eat. That just means I get to eat great left overs for a few days. I also got all the food cooked way to early. That is a nice change of pace since I end up still trying too cook while people are showing up and distracting me. I fell like I should have been paying attention to them instead of cooking.
I was on a roll tonight. When a buddy and his girl showed up, his girl said she loved my sausage. Yeah that was great to hear. Then when another buddy of mine showed up, his wife said she would be taking me home tonight. I had no idea I was such a chick magnet for taken chicks... I should just go find a place where married couples hang out, try and wreck some homes.
I'm trying to let more people know that I am writing this blog. I know it isn't that informative. It isn't that like current politics or news kind of blog. Just kind of random bullshit that I feel like writing about. Hey I am just writing to get myself use to writing again the more I write the better I get at it. It is like working anything else out, be it muscle or intellect. Using it helps it improve and that is what I am doing here.
This evening drinking with friends I started talking about the good old days when I preformed comedy at open mic nights. I remember the thrill and the challenge it was to get a laugh. I have to say I miss that. I still think I need some one to just come out and support me doing it. Hell it's been so long since I've been to an open mic, I don't even know when they hold them. I guess I'll have to do some research. I've not written a joke in a while, and I've not looked at my old set in a while. I bet it really stinks now.
I'm not sure who all is reading this to be honest. I know two people for sure, my mom, and my buddy from high school that won't let me slack off and miss a posting. There have been a few random quotes but I am not sure who they are from. I want to try and get as many people who know me to read my brain dribbling. I also talked with my friend that makes short films and enters short film contests that I would be interested in writing/acting in things for him. I've not really come up with any ideas that seem to be worth trying to make a film out of but now that I know that I might get them made into something I will try to come up with some.
So now I'm finishing off my Jameson's and Bailey's and listening to Bill Hicks. I wish I could have met you Bill, I wish I could have told you how much you influence me. I know I am taking small steps forward in doing this everyday, and trying to keep my goal in focus. Even if my time stamps are not what I promised. Some day I'll have all these stupid fucking things posted in a book and make tons of money off of it. HA HA HA!!!
Suicide Ranger

8:52am: Making little plastic castles
I missed it again and one person seems to be actually staying on my ass about this. It is so frustrating when people follow instructions. I mean if people just did things they felt like then the world would be filled with poorly constructed Ikea furniture. If everyone did follow them there would be all those odd awkward moments of people showing up on time for parties, because they asked for directions. Men would become super efficient and women would stop nagging them. Everything would run so perfectly it would be like the whole world was Japan... Well before the big Rock and Roll Surf's Up! moment a few days ago.
I'll just update this for the events that are going to go on today and what I did after the last post. That would catch me up and then I can talk about the preparations for the party and a little bit about the aftermath once I post again today. So there wasn't much done after I posted yesterday. The usual boring routine of mindlessly completing my daily quests in World of Warcraft, then playing Shinning Force II, leveling up my favorite characters in that game so they are just awesome. The funny thing was since I've been preoccupied with my issues trying to breathe, I seem to have lost a day. I thought last night was Tuesday evening. I was a bit shocked when I realized that I needed to get stuff for my little party today. I thought I had another day to think about what I was going to do. Well it is here now. I should probably just stop Celebrating my birthday on the 3rd and Just do a late B-day St. Patty's day double feature. I mean hardly anyone shows up to my birthday parties but lots of people show up to my St. Patrick's day parties.
I use to just go pick up some Crawfish and do a Boil this day. I decided to do something different. I was told that I should do the whole Corned Beef and Cabbage thing. I think that is just too traditional. I'm not Irish I will just do my own thing. Then people would be like well if you're not Irish why are you drinking and celebrating St. Patties like this? Well I may not be Irish but we are in America, and we have our own Native drunks thank you very much. Any excuse to display my vice and have fun is good enough for me.
There seems to be a rash of burglaries going on in my neighborhood, I had a dream I was home alone and some one decided to break into my house. It was fun beating the shit out of him with my various staffs, and throwing bladed playing cards at him to chase him out. All of which I have, so it wasn't like my dream was far from what could really happen. I think it is just because I read the e-mail my mom sent me right before I went to sleep, that caused me to dream about it. It wasn't some spooky kind of preminission. If I misspelled that too bad the spell check didn't know what I was talking about either.
So I think I am just going to BBQ hamburgers and brauts, it is simple and cheap, I've got kind of light on funds since I've missed so much work. Which really pisses me off, because I feel fine, I mean I don't feel bad, it is just when I start to work it get all winded and need to sit down. Maybe it is just in my head, I'll test it out later. It I don't write later it means trying to test it just caused me to drop dead.
Suicide Ranger

2:53pm: Crap! Some one noticed
So, yeah I totally didn't do my daily entry yesterday. I didn't completely forget, I mean, I remembered around 6 that I had to do it in half an hour. It was around that time that I was asked what I wanted to get for dinner from Subway. Who know that thinking about that would over write all the previous ideas and plans for the rest of the evening.
The health status is still low. I am fine, as long as I want to remain inactive and not exert any kind of physical activity that would exceed getting out of the bed to turn off my alarm clock. Any further activity than that I feel as if I've just run a mile. In other words, everything is great. Now I have a legitimate excuse not to be physically active. No, I really should work on getting over this. I'll probably try and see the Doctor again on Friday. If I am not well by then. Which means I'll probably just have an appointment to see her on Monday. She's very busy.
I have the sneaking feeling that everyone else is out enjoying life more fully than I am. I mean if I go by people's Facebook status that is. Everyone is out at some event, or going to the gym, or having the best day ever with their kids/hubby/girlfriend/boyfriend/right hand and bottle of jerkins. I know this my seem like I am complaining and just being envious of their busy lives. To be honest, I am not complaining at all. I find all that social interaction to be undesirable. Sure maybe having a gym to go too might be nice, but it seems that the only time I am worried about getting in shape is when I am to sick to actually work out. If I could tell you where my ambition for life went I would, or even when I lost it. I think it was as far back as Junior High School. Probably when I realized that success breads expectations and living up to standards. It is not that I don't respect myself, I am just not out to impress anyone.
I thought about trying to find a way to spike my interest in something, or give me the ambition to better myself, or at least be constructive with my time. I just find that the people that are always up beat and looking to better themselves are just fucking annoying. I mean it is the same with people that are always playing everything down, and talking about what's the point you're going to be dead soon, listening to emo or goth music. They are just as fucking annoying. I prefer to live between both of those, to be cynical enough to not get excited, but be up beat enough to keep myself from wearing black lipstick and eyeliner.
Suicide Ranger

6:42pm: What time is it?
My sleeping pattern is very messed up right now, and I don't know how to fix it. I think it might have something to do with the medication I'm taking. Ever since I started taking it when I would fall asleep I would feel like I slept for hours, but it turns out I only slept for 10 minutes. Yeah that seems like a great thing to have. I could be awake for longer and get more things done. No it isn't it isn't at all. Trying to sleep through the night is a chore. I go to bed around 11:00pm, wake up at 11:30pm, then fall asleep at 11:45pm, wake up at 12:20am, fall asleep at 12:30am, wake up at 1:00am. I did this all of last night. I gave up around 7:00am and just stayed up. The only issue that arose from that was it got dark and stormy today. The kind of weather that seems to make everyone sleepy. Around 9:30am the power blinked out for a little bit, which gave me enough time to move from my desk to my bed to just text some people on the phone.
What happens, I pass out, like a switch. I wake up and it is nearly 5:00pm. That is really frustrating, I was trying to sleep all night only catching a few minutes at a time but as soon as the sun is up and normal people should be doing things, I pass out for 8 hours. This isn't cool, because I know now that I'll be unable to sleep well tonight and I am going to go to work tomorrow. I guess that means I'll be shooting up loads of caffeinated drinks and trying to normalize my sleeping again, but just not sleeping tonight and the next day, so I can black out tomorrow night. That seems like a rather stupid way to go about fixing this but, hey I'm open to suggestion.
Since I slept most of the day today there isn't much else I can think to talk about. I did go out and have BBQ with a friend and I got to see her new born for the first time. The funny thing was since I spent so much time holding her baby and keeping it from fussing. She asked me to marry her. In jest of course, she's already married, but apparently my ability to pacify tiny humans is a marketable skill. It is a catch 22 though, in order to get a girl, I need to have a girl that has a baby, but I don't have a girl. Things could be worse I guess.
Suicide Ranger

5:41pm: What's the symbology of that?
This is a bit earlier than my supposed regular time, but you know what, I hate daylight savings time anyway so actually I'm late. Not like I have much of an entry to make anyway, since I stayed up fairly late last night watching the rest of season 3 of Futurama. I just couldn't fall asleep. And suddenly it was nearly 5am. Stupid time change. So woke up to my alarm at the regular time of 7am, which is the new 7am because I am anal enough to set my alarm clock to the new time before I go to sleep, because I hate looking at my phone and seeing one time and then looking at my clock and seeing another.
Yesterday's entry was part dream part just random shit I made up if you didn't figure that out. I felt that I needed to do something confusing and stupid. I don't know if I was trying to be funny or just confusing, I hope it came of as a little of both. Now I'm doing this one early because I got invited to go to a friend's house to have BBQ. And I didn't want to drag my tiny net book over there and appear rude, doing a entry when I'm suppose to be socializing and seeing her new spawn.
I am beginning to feel like I can breathe again. My coughing isn't as violent or as awful sounding. So I should be able to be back to work on Tuesday. I'll need to head over to the doctor to get a note since I did call in Friday and Saturday, the coughing was just awful and no one want's some one who sounds like that to be anywhere near their food and drinks. Hell I wouldn't.
I'm going to be having a St. Patrick's day party again this year. I've done it for about 3 years in a row. Hope the same number of people show up for this one. Though it may be a little less, since this time last year my baby sister was there, and she was aways much more popular than men in drawing a crowd of people. Come to think of it all of my siblings draw out more people than I do. I'm not saying that I am awful to be around it just seems that, when I try and throw some kind of party or something, it is always pretty dead. Until on of my siblings shows up. Maybe I'm just feeling that middle child syndrome of feeling like I am overlooked all the time. Well Julee isn't going to be there this year. *shakes fist in air* I still hate you for that shit!
I will stop talking about that before it gets too sappy and sentimental. I'll do that on the 29th. Hey I tried to put off procrastinating for something and ended up doing it immediately. I ignore my eye doctor's advice to not sleep in my contacts, cause I got sick of having blurry dreams. I put my alarm clock on the other side of my room so I have to move to shut if off. I've never realized what kind of moves you can make to shut the alarm off and make it back into bed before the warm spot goes away. I swear I need to record myself doing it.
Suicide Ranger

6:22pm: The familiar morning
The foolish thing I'm doing right now is trying to write while watching episodes of Futurama. Why do I have to be so captivated with this show. Well I should pay attention to the task at hand. This morning stared as any other except that when I woke up no one was home. So what I typically do when I find no one in the house is put on some loud music and walk around with no clothes on. Well it wasn't typical it was atypical so I put on some soft music and put several layers of clothing on. That was fun for about as long it took to too nearly dehydrate from wearing so much clothing.
I went back to wearing the normal amount of clothing and decided to just check my email. Though it was difficult to get my computer to stay on, because it was raining in my living room, and the long grey shirt I was wearing was getting heavy with rain. I felt a little sleepy trying to play Shinning Force II in the rain. I decided to walk outside for a while, it was drier out there anyway. While I was crossing the street, I decided to stop in the middle of it to see if the two buses heading towards me would actually hit me. Since they were side by side, one swerved into the other to avoid me they both missed me completely and rolled in tandem toward an empty field that suddenly filled with many large light bulbs that made a really cool sound as the two buses rolled over them.
I went back inside it had stopped raining but since I left the oven open and running it was very humid in the house. I think there was some kind of mold growing on the couch, because when I sat on it a large cloud of pink sports puffed out the sides. This made it difficult to see the TV, because the hardcore pornographic film on the screen was virtually invisible because the pink aliens staring in it where blending in perfectly with the spore cloud.
I decided it would be a good idea to make coffee at this point. It took forever to grind the beans, mostly because I had to use an old fashioned hand grinder. As I made coffee, I noticed there there was a crowd of people forming around me all holding coffee mugs and looking at me like cats waiting to be fed. It was a bit unsettling because I didn't know any of them but there where a good 30 people in my house. I was like dude 12 cups of coffee isn't going to satisfy this mob. I put on a few kettles of water, hoping to use the 3 French presses I have will help. The crowd was starting to look pretty mean and restless waiting for the coffee. I was starting to fear for my well being. Then it occurred to me if I waited long enough all the people would fall back asleep due to lack of coffee. It totally worked, they all fell back asleep, and using my telekinesis I floated them all out of my house. Then my feet where kind of sore from walking back and forth out of my house so went into the bathroom turn the water on in the sink and stood in the sink for a bit. Eventually the sink turned into the bath tub and I took a shower. The only problem with that was, I didn't have any towels to dry off with, so I walked next door and asked for a towel. The people next door had stacks of them right next to the door, and they gave me a few extra. I went back to my bedroom and laid down. Then I woke up suddenly hearing my radio go off.

8:36pm: Resorting to creative tactics
Well this is a late entry and I will still write as much as I can. 8:40 so I guess that will be stopping a 9:10 if I don't make it any further. I decided to be a bit social this evening and go over a friend's house to watch some films. So I am typing on my net book, any typos will have to be forgiven for typing on a smaller keyboard than usual. Thanks Brian for the suggestion to just reset the router.
Everyone is talking about the massive earth quake in Japan. I am going to be no different. I've never been to that country but I love it all the same. They have a firmer grasp on reality and the way the world works far better than the xenophobic United States of America. There are two countries I would prefer to live in other than the US. That would be Germany and Japan.
If you want and explanation why those two countries, I really couldn't say why. Other than the fact that they seem to be able to get there shit together and still have more fun than we do in US. Being half German gives me some bit of racial pride in that too. Actually if you look way back I am half German and half Mongoloid, specifically the phenotype that came from the eastern China island of Japan area. So maybe I am just genetically drawn to those areas. I digress, back to talking about Japan.
I hope everything is going well in that country. I wanted to see about volunteering to go over there as aid work. The only kind of aid they seem to be asking for that the seem to be texting the red cross to donate 10 dollars. I was hoping to do more with that. Since this is being done kind of late and in a strange place, and I am bit distracted from watching the film. I will end this soon. Sorry that it isn't entertaining. I had an idea of what I was going to write earlier but I forgot.
I've been watching Futurama all over again. That show is quite amazing and funny. The points it makes, and the social commentary is still relatively current. I'm still having trouble breathing, it isn't as bad as it was. Which means the medication is working. I'm just not sure the recovery time that my doctor said is going to be as rapid as she seemed to think it was going to be.
Well spring break time for all those nubile idiots looking got drunk and catch STDS on the beach of some body of water. Maybe since I myself has never been on one of those spring break binges, I am a bit cynical toward the people that do. I've never been that much of a party person for that matter. Hell I went to my High school prom for only one reason, my girl friend said if I didn't go with her, she would just take someone else, playing on my own rivalry reflex was clever. Looking back on that night is something I could still say I could have lived without. But I did win an alarm clock at the project prom afterwards. If I didn't have that then I wouldn't have something to shut off while I over slept for all my classes in College. Thanks Starcraft and Diablo II for being so addictive to keep me from going to class.
This has been fun, I still wish I could remember what I was going to talk about earlier. Maybe I should make a list of things to talk about at the end of the day, during the day. Just to remind me. Wow this is getting very involved. List of things to talk about. What am I thinking every thought in my head is going to come out as gold on this shit? No but it will help my writing flow a bit smoother. I guess I'll dig out my comedy journal and use that to list things. I may just pick some jokes out of that to try and expand on.
Suicide Ranger

6:31pm: Why can't I be a cute chick?
That title may seem a little odd. No I'm not looking to try and be a drag queen or go for gender reassignment. What I am referring to is the fact that, like most people out there I surf around on the Youtube channels looking for amusing things to watch. I noticed a trend that kind of made me sick. Regardless of the content of the channels, mostly vloging absolute crap about nothing I give two shits about how cute your fucking dog is, these girls on Youtube have thousands of hits. Why? Simple. Guys are horny retards, and if they see a thumbnail with a chick in it, they will click it.
Here in lies my frustration, getting attention on the internet is easy if you've got two X chromosomes and are not completely ugly. Where as if you're a guy, and you want to appeal to a large audience you have to come up with some kind of video game channel. And the content has to be well produced or no one is going to watch it. If you're a some what cute girl, just post a video of you talking into the camera for 5 minutes and watch the hits roll in.
I discussed this with two female opinions most guys ask for but never really care to pay attention too. My mother and my girlfriend. Yeah that's right I said it. Both of them seem to have the same opinion of, matter of fact, yes being a girl on the internet and you'll get all the attention and more than you'd really ever want. I've already tried social experiments in my World of Warcraft play. I have a female character model, which by no means there is a female playing on the other side of that avatar. Though just as a social test. I did my best impression of how girls act while playing, and type in our raid chat. I was in a public raid, so none of the people in the raid knew me to be male or female. The guys in the raid fell right for it. Their smaller brains overrode the ones that seem to server not purpose except to keep their ears from touching. By the end of the raid I had several privet chat windows open asking a/s/l, I also got 3 bits of new gear and my repair bills to my gear paid for. Guys are idiots. I decided not to exploit this beyond this one time. Fooling guys like that is less fun than just strait up swindling them out of gold and gear being myself.
I tried it from the other side too. I was on a pre-facebook social network. http://redvsblue.com/home.php On this site, you gained 'karma' from posting things people like and thumb up. You lose it when people thumb things down. The 'karma' is a way of judging your influence in the forums and community. I noticed there there where plenty of what I call camwhores. The girls that take pictures of themselves in cute outfits, or bikinis, and ones that post pics in those, flattering 'myspace' photo angels. You know looking up from and angle, laying upside down on a bed, you know what I mean.
So what did I do, I simply played the same game. I found a bunch of clothing and makeup from my now ex-wife's closet, where I proceeded to dress up and pose like the girls I found on the site. Then I took their photos and put them side by side comparison with the ones I took of myself. Then I put the links to my comparison photos on their own profiles for everyone to see. I was an overnight sensation, I had people that hated me and loved me. It was my small claim to E-fame.
I am constantly doing things like this in my head, making little social experiments up and wondering what dictates peoples behavior towards it. I'll finish this up with my latest observation, I mean it is weeks old but it is still the latest. When you go to the theater, and you know it is crowded, you show up early and immediately head to "THE BEST SEAT" in your opinion. Though, if you show up to a theater and it is a slow night and it is empty and you are the first people in. You will spend several minutes debating on which seat is "THE BEST SEAT." It amuses me to watch people do that. When they know there is competition for something they know exactly what they want, but if they feel they have no pressure to make a choice they will delay there choice as long as they can. That's marketing.
Suicide Ranger

6:22pm: Might Shake the Cob webs of this P.O.S
Yeah, since I've finding thing less constructive to do with my time, why don't I start sending random crap out into the internet again. Plus I hear that the best way be become better at writing is to freaking write. I can't promis that there grammar and spelling will be perfect. But from what I read from most of the stuff on the internets, that will hardly be an issue. I really offer or no promises of any kind.
I'll just make an effort to update this as a daily routine. If nothing interesting happens that day I'll just make something up that was interesting. I should set some kind of guide lines to keep me at this. Write starting at 6:30 and continue until 7:00, no that might cause too much rambling. I'll just write until I run out of thoughts to write about.
I will write at least for 10 minuets, each day so as to not have cop out entries like, "Yeah don't have any ideas." That is just cheating. I would also like help from my current non existent audience. If this thing happens to take off into something, hopefully the people who stumble upon this place will read this part and, make sure to yell at me in comments that I am not following the guidelines I set up.
Oh and feel free to troll me, hell I might find something even better to write about reading your attempts to make me angry and the black pixels on my screen in the shape of letters.
So quick cap review, I will be writing on a daily basis, Starting at 6:30 my time i.e. Central United States. I will write for at least 10 minutes, or longer if I find myself in the zone. And if I do miss a day I will make it up by posting as soon as I wake up. Might even make for an interesting tail as to why I didn't post. As I said before if nothing interesting happened to me that day I will make something up, so Keep in mind this shit that you read here is not completely true, like everything else you find on the internet, much poetic licence may be engaged. Well wish me luck.
Suicide Ranger

2:27am: My Father
Hello,
I've just finished watching Terminator 1 and 2, a sort of fall back to better times. I fined it funny how much I relate my father back to that unstoppable force that was the terminator. He was everything you wanted in a hero. Trustworthy, Loyal strong, stoic, even empathetic. He was such a power house of inspiration it is hard to think of anyone that could inspire more fear and awe and willingness to commit to a cause than he. I know I am probably being over dramatic because he is my father. But if ever there was a reason to need inspiration or need for strength a dire situation I would always think of my father. He wasn't always the most influential of figures in my life, but he was always the driving force be hind my determination. He could cause a whole room of complete strangers to obey his every word he could me to follow his instructions to letter with a single word. This man was a pillar of burning fire of command. I do miss his guidance in my life. His words always rung true in advice and following them always a better means of getting things done. Sure he had his flaws every man dose. But those flaws did not out weight his character. His obligation to strive what is best for his children. It always pains me to think that he is not here to see his children live up to their full potential or that his grand children would grow in to such strong individuals. Still we carry on in his absence, to be the best people he had hopped he would be. I would not want to disgrace my father. His memory is still what drives me still what gives me hope that I will over come anything that live throws at me. I only wish that I could honor my father in the best way I can. I have become lost after his death and it has cost me much in the aftermath of his death. The pain was great and the events that followed where no help. I will carry on as he has so many times in order to achieve the best out come. I miss you dad but I will make it I will be the best I can even though you are no longer there to give me advice or guidance. I love you.

9:17pm: Blank Head moving fingers.
I'm attempting to do a from of free typing... Well see free writing is something that you do in your unconscious mind and I was wondering if it could be done on a keyboard as well as with a pen and paper. I'm going to sit and just let my fingers movie on their own, and just say what is coming to my mind as it happens. The spelling and grammar may look atrocious in a moment so I would like to apologize in advance. Here we go...



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Ok well I feel kine of dizzy and now that I look at it I can't make any sense of it maybe I didn't hold long enough. I'll try again in a bit.